Trusting in His Double-Portion, Not my Ability

“I am feeling that urge to run on the hamster wheel again,” I confessed to my friend last week.

I ran through the long list of things that needed to be done, anxiety even rising in my heart as I was going through the list with her on the phone.

One of the greatest temptations I fight on a moment to moment basis in my life is the desire to “produce” to gain acceptance and worth.  

My “Go-To” thought when things get tough is to work harder.  Years of living out of the false assumption that “I am not enough” has earned me a vulnerability to take on “too much” at a time and martyr my own well being for the sake of pleasing others…(and my pride).

But I know better.  

Because Jesus stands as my righteousness and defines my worth, I can rest.  I don’t have to “produce” anything to gain acceptance.  

But old habits die hard, friend.

I can relate to the Israelites in the desert who wandered for 40 years.

After years of living as slaves, God brought them out of Egypt and promised a new land and a new way of living.  He led them by day and night, provided the food and water, revealed miracles when the journey seemed impossible, and gave them the Sabbath to rest.

Despite experiencing God’s provision, presence, and faithfulness, the Israelites still reverted to the habits of a slave.  Working, persisting, producing.

In Exodus 16, the Lord tells his people to gather manna every day except on the seventh day.  It was to be a day of rest.  Instead, on the sixth day, He would provide double the portion to sustain them for two days.

Seems simple enough.  But here’s the miracle…

On the sixth day, the Bible does not say the Israelites went out and worked double time to reap the manna.  No, in the same amount of time as the other days and the same amount of effort, God’s people had brought in twice the amount.  

A double-portion to give them the ability to rest on the seventh day.  

This blows my mind.  And gives me HOPE.

God still gives the miracle of a double-portion today.

He does not want you and I to do it ALL.  He wants us to trust in Him.  He wants to reveal His ability to provide for us.  Miracles in the day to day grind.  

Sadly, I miss the miracle often.  I revert to a “slave mentality” and go gathering manna when He has already promised a provision.

I work overtime thinking I will “produce” more, when really I am only gaining emptiness, exhaustion, and what little I can achieve on my own.

The world hisses this lie to us too.  Work harder, be better, do more.

But God says LESS IS MORE.  He says “My power is made perfect in your weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9).”

He says, “Come to me to find rest.  My yoke is easy and my burden is light (Matthew 11:28-30).”

He provides a double-portion so we can rest and let Him be God and display His glory.

Funny isn’t it?  We gain more by doing less.  

“When we curtail our efforts and interests in obedience to the Spirit’s conviction–resisting the gnawing sense of guilt or compulsion to keep pressing beyond the boundaries, beyond that which honors God–He will bless our obedience and sustain us.  He will miraculously give twice the harvest, twice the fulfillment, twice the return, even though we haven’t done anything more to garner it.”  

Priscilla Shirer, Breathe

We get a miracle.

I’m guessing you want a miracle too.

Trusting in God to provide a double-portion for my needs has been life-changing.  Small steps towards a “freedom mentality.”

So much of my day is filled with pressure and expectations I place on myself.  I strive for an “ideal.”

But recently I am approaching my days with this question, “Lord, what do you have for me today?  Help me to receive it.”  

One of the biggest steps of faith I take in my day is going to bed!  Leaving things unfinished.

When I do that, guess what?  The world keeps spinning.

He has been so faithful to provide the time for what I need.

A friend calls and offers to keep the kids out of the blue.  My kids blissfully play together for an hour and I am able to catch up on housework.  Words and thoughts are provided with ease when I set to work on writing.  A dinner idea pops into my head right when I need one.

To the outsider, these may not seem like much.  To me, they are evidence of God’s faithfulness.  His provision.  A double-portion.

The truth is I don’t want to be the one who is able to “do it all.”  Because I get the glory, not Him.

I want the miracle of His power displayed through my weakness.

I want more of Him.

I pray this is just as much of an encouragement to you as it has been to me.  Let’s tuck the truth of this deep into our minds and hearts.

And let’s wait on the miracles.